Fill your cup
I took a hiatus from listening to John Deloney’s podcast for a while because of two reasons. 1. I was not applying anything I was listening to. 2. Read #1. I love when I get called out on things because though it bothers me in the moment, they are doing me a favor reminding me I can do better. [SN: It goes without saying but I’m going to say it anyway, I value when people that contribute to my life rather than drain it call me out.] Instead, I took note of demanding more from myself in areas I was falling short of. I am a fixer, it’s in my DNA to provide solutions. Unfortunately, life and people don’t work that way. Though my intentions may be good, I cannot change anybody but myself. It took me a long time to accept this because I wanted so badly to make things right or better. When the people I love hurt, I hurt and sometimes I take on their pain more than I do my own. I forget about my own struggles and problems only to find myself picking up the pieces because I’m left exhausted trying to fix something that is out of my control. You’ve heard the saying “you can’t pour from an empty cup”; my cup was empty. Everyday I try to pour into it more and more, some days it’s easier, some days I feel like I’m back at square one. Everyday I have to work to keep the momentum going. Since I’ve acknowledged and embraced the idea that I can only control my actions, I’ve noticed my sleeping has improved. I don’t find myself aimlessly thinking anymore. It’s improved so much that I am falling asleep quicker than my husband. That’s an accomplishment in and of itself! I’ve come to terms with loving people from a distance. That distance is directly affected by two variables, comfort and effort. It can be lengthened or shortened depending on the effort and comfort on behalf of the individuals involved. Sometimes the distance makes way for something more solid, sometimes it doesn’t and that’s ok. Sometimes no company at all is better than a toxic one. You are not everyone’s cup of tea. (I had to keep the cup analogy going lol) Don’t be a doormat for people either, there’s a difference between being there for someone and being an emotional dumpster. I know the caliber of a person I am and I refuse to accept anything less than what I deserve. It took me so long to come to terms with this because I’m stubborn and maybe to a certain extent a masochist because I kept repeating the same self-destructive cycles. At the end of the day you have to be your biggest cheerleader because NOBODY else knows what it’s like to be you. So do whatever you need to do to find that equilibrium because nobody else can or will. Fill your cup!
I shared the first episode I listened to after my hiatus. What he said to the last caller was golden! It’s worth the listen.
This song has been stuck in my head all week. I had to share the Kenny G version though because I looked up to him when I briefly played the alto saxophone. Our eyes behold truths and are the window to our soul. I resonate with the lyrics.
