Lost in Thought
Since as far as I can remember, I have had moments where I zone out because I get so consumed in my thoughts. Granted, they are more pronounced now compared to when I was a child. I think we all have these moments. Or maybe there are only a couple of us that are weirdos like myself lol… The mind is powerful. My thoughts can be so consuming and draining at times, I have to force myself to snap out of them. It feels like I am out of my body and seeing myself through another POV. It is a bit trippy, I know. I have learned to embrace this part of me but also not let it get to a point where it is overwhelming. As the saying goes anything in excess is not good. I have come up with ways to ground myself so that I can go about the rest of my day.
It’s been 21 days since my grandma left us, and if there was someone I inherited this trait from it would have to be her. She was always so pensive. She would place her hand on her chin, squint her eyes, and have this smirk. God I miss her so much. I miss her laughter, her wisdom, her voice, her interrogations lol.. (she always had a way of getting information out of us). When I said bye to her (unaware that it would be the last time I would see her), my husband told her “maybe next time we will come back with a baby”, because she was so insistent on us having one lol.. Her face lit up with that. It kills me to know that my kids won’t ever get to meet her but I will be sure to tell them how incredible of a woman she was. I am so lucky to have had a grandma like her. She was so giving, compassionate, selfless, full of love. Even though she is not here physically, I feel her love everyday. I am convinced her prayers have sustained me during all these years, and her being in heaven only intensifies that. Because she is in heaven, no doubt in my mind.
When the thinking becomes too loud, I try to write everything down so that at least it is “outside” of my head (figuratively speaking). If you struggle with this too, maybe you can try this out one day. It quiets my head and allows me to get back to reality. I saw a post on ig the other day by sanctuarywrld, they post daily things about each horoscope sign. That day they posted what each sign’s mood board would be. This mood board consisted of three colors, and three objects. For my sign (Libra) there were clouds as one of the objects. I did not understand it when I saw it that day. But as I am writing this, it makes sense. Maybe I am completely misinterpreting it but to me clouds represent the mind, emotion, and dreams. If you type in thinking on your phone right now you’ll notice a thinking cloud emoji comes up as a suggestion. This is going to sound super corny but I have said to myself “Mel get your head out of the clouds”. Well that saying has a relation to clouds being a symbol of thought. I want to get in the habit of doing writing prompts at least once a week so that it forces me to think in a creative space. Our brains do so much, it’s good to change up the routine and stimulate regions of it that we don’t usually engage.
If you have made it this far, you’re dope! Be kind to yourself with your thoughts and don’t let them consume you because what consumes your mind, controls your life!
SN: This is my 21st blog entry and today is the 21st. Coincidence? I think not.
Since I mentioned POV, figured this song would be perfect. It is so good!
My favorite verse:
You know me better than I do
Can't seem to keep nothing from you
How you touch my soul from the outside?
Permeate my ego and my pride
